Losing my Humanity

Having said goodbye to 2016, I woke up a new person in 2017.

I still remember the dreams I was having at the time. A couple of dreams were identical, but the emotions were different. I could see and feel that I was afraid in the first set of dreams. Afraid of the 'beyond'. The next time I would dream of it, I wasn't scared anymore; I could conquer my fears. And that's what it was like in my awake life. I was not afraid of anyone or anything anymore.

So. what's it feel like when losing your humanity? It's like being unleashed from the chains that were holding you down. Call it... Freedom. You're gonna hear me ROARRR.

It was like I was trying to find myself again, take more risks, going beyond my boundaries. There were no more obstacles in my way. I was strong, and I felt powerful that I could stand up and defend myself, not hold back and feel insecure or hurt. No one can hurt me. It was like I didn't care; there were no emotions and no feelings. And it felt good.

This energy was exhilarating and rejuvenating. With my renewed self-esteem, confidence and voice, I could say and do things that I would never have been able to do, ever! In saying that, I did hold a small, fun-size amount of humanity just for my son, but the rest of the family had to get used to the new me.

Here’s a numerology thought for 2017,

when calculated to a single-digit 2+0+1+7=10=1+0=1

The number 1 represents Individual, Beginnings, New, Origin.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

I felt like I was in control. For once, I was able to stand up to the people who always made me feel small, who criticised me, those who didn't believe in me, and those who chose to ignore me. Respect was what I demanded, and respect was what I was going to get.

I pushed away all the negative people, and I stopped looking for sympathy, but it wasn't sympathy I was looking for; I wanted them to understand what I was going through. Some told me, 'I was making it all up; it was all in my head.' It was like I had to prove to them that I really was sick. I must admit that there are times I looked fine, normal, and not sick, but inside is what you couldn't see.

Friends? Friends come and go, but you know who your real friends are when in need, and I had no true friends. I never heard from them again. I didn't need them, and eventually, I would make more friends. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started the healing process.

Next~Kinesiologist

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